in trying to avoid hart and preparation for the final step of my undergraduate degree, i'm drawn into thinking about what this past 3 years have meant to me, and what does the end of it mean.

honestly, to be fair, i don't think lse has taught me anything academics-wise that i couldn't have learned from the books. hell, i was barely in school. and the teachers never did care anyway, they didn't care if i didn't turn up, didn't care if i didn't hand in something, didn't care if i didn't understand. and i suppose that's what the 3 years have been about.

the biggest theme of my university life would probably be independence. no one to tell me where to go, what to do, how to move ahead. and its just like learning to ride a bicycle. you always tell the parent holding on to you, to never let go, in fear of falling down. but yet, when they let go without you noticing, you are still able to move along. a bit wobbly at first, but soon you gain speed, and you're able to go faster and further than ever before. but yet at the same time, you have the confidence to keep pedaling without fear of falling, because you still believe that someone's holding on to you.

and so its been a contradiction i suppose, just like everything about me. i've grown more independent, a bit more hardened i suppose, more isolated, more self-aware, more confident and better equipped at surviving and i hope, wiser (: and yet at the same time, i've grown more attached to my family, perhaps even more sentimental (momentary flashes) (and if its even possible if i can get more sentimental :p ), more internationalist and more aware of this world i live in.

but despite the inadequacies of lse, or maybe university life in general, i'm incredibly grateful for these 3 years. coming to london, i felt let out of the cage that i've been cooped in for so long. for the first time in a really long time, i could breathe. life became solely about doing what i've always wanted to do, about the big picture and about the good things in life. no longer was i trapped by the small insignificant stuff, the hurtful or painful or plain petty and annoying shit. well i wouldn't say the three years have been like that, probably the last two. but despite the pretty horrid first year, i'd never want to change it ever. because it taught me so much more about people and myself than i'd ever know otherwise. so for that, thank you. i know who i am, what i want to be, and perhaps more precisely, what i never want to be.

the people here have been awesome (: unique, international, diverse and warm. some of the friends i've made, i want to hold close to me for the rest of my life. but as we cross the last hurdle and fly the coop, who knows where we'll end up. perhaps i might never see some people again. but still, the fact that they were there at that point in time, is more than enough for me.

perhaps the biggest component of my academic years has been my travels. haha, the irony. but i've seen so much beauty in the world, so many interesting diverse cultures, ways of life and people. i never want to stop craving for that beauty, never want to lose my wanderlust.

but most of all. university and london gave me the opportunity to see the worlld of opportunities waiting out there for me. i can be exactly anything i want to be. nothing can hold me back (: and i now know where i want to be in ten years time. and its an exhilarating, exciting feeling inside of me that i can't quite quell.

i've learned to stop looking backwards, to live for now, and to hope for the future (:

i'll miss you london (: and lse too